Bella's Journal
by FanPyre-09
Summary: Hi. My name is Bella Swan and I am in love with a vampire. I have decided to marry said vampire in exchange for getting to spend eternity with him. I am keeping this journal in order to remember things when I become one of him. Much better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: The idea for Bella to have a journal just kinda came to me. I read 'My First Year as A Cullen' -which I strongly suggest to anyone- and thought of how Bella lost most of her human memories. I wanted her to be able to remember her family, friends, and her childhood. The entries will be recent but the events in them will be from when she was younger. Some may be from more recent years but quite a few will be from before she moved ot Forks. I don't know if anyone will really like this different story so if you read it, please review to make me feel loved and to know that this wasn't a stupid idea. :**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing and I don't even know if these things really happened to Bella, they are things I just assumed.**_

**Bella's Journal: Entry Number One**

A/A/N: Edward reads Bella's memories- so it's from his point of view.

_When Edward told me that I might lose most of my human memories, I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what or who I would remember or forget. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't forget anything or anyone important. So I decided to start this journal, to help me remember. Edward said it was a good idea and so I went with it. _

_The first thing I want to remember is the lovely woman who raised me, my mother, Renee. She is a great, beautiful, intelligent woman that has always loved and supported me in everything. As did I with her random, short- lived hobbies. She changed from hobby to hobby every so often and I love that about her. She has a great personality and is married to Phil, a great man who plays short stop for the Suns in Florida._

_I remember growing up in Phoenix, Arizona. The scenery there is very different from here in Forks. I once called this place 'too green' but when I went home, on the run, I realize how much I loved the green. The next thing I want to remember is the times I visited my grandnother, before she passed. She was a lovely woman who smelled lovely, like a normal old person. I will never smell that way. I am thankful to Edward for agreeing to allow me to become one of his kind. He was very stubborn in the beginning and is still hesitant about having to do it himself, because he doesn't know if he can handle it._

_He fears that he may kill me but I know that if he doesn't want to, he never would. I love everything about him. The way he smells, the way he treats me as if I'm breakable, because to him, I am. Anyway, back on track. I remember the way my father and mother would insist that I spend every summer with Charlie in Forks. But I did put my foot down when I was thirteen and from then on, Charlie spent the summers in California, with me. _

_I remember this one time that I went to an amusement park with my mother. It was the weekend before school started and I had just gotten back from Charlie's. I was seven and I was in my early stages of clumisness. I had just gotten off of a harmless enough ride, the Ferris Wheel, for the first time. I was walking towards a concessions stand to get some cotton candy and, of course, I tripped. I naturally put my arms out and caught myself with one of them. I broke my right arm and it was in a cast for a while. I had a lot of people sign it and they wrote funny things that I don't really remember but I do know that they made me laugh._

_On one of my visits to Charlie, I think I was five or six, I went fishing with him. Just to see what it was like, and got a hook caught in one of my fingers. I was rushed to the emergency room, of course, and the hospital kind of became my second home when I visited my father. Oh, and of course, it happened again but when I was eight and it got caught in my arm instead. I never really called Charlie 'dad' unless I was speaking to him directly. My mom told me specifically not to call him Charlie to his face. _

_My father is a very kind man and is the Police Chief to the town of Forks, Washington. He can be so clueless sometimes and I think that I may have inherited that and my clumsiness from him. I love him dearly and even though he rarely show it, I know that he feels the same way._

_have many memories from my childhood that I want to remember and hopefully will whenever I am transformed. But that is the reason I started this journal- to remember. One of the earliest memories I have is of my first day of Kindergarten. My mom had intended to drop me off but couldn't follow through and ended up walking me inside, holding my hand the whole way, and walking me up to the teacher. My teacher was a very nice lady, she actually had to kick my mother out when she wouldn't leave of her own accord. Her name was Ms.Lowry and she was very young at the time. I think we were actually her first or second year of students. She brought us cookies and cupcakes almost every day. Surprising us when we did something good with little treats._

_I miss her, very much, and I wish I could visit her but she moved a few years later. She had gotten married to Mr. Miller - our music teacher- and they had moved to Tennesse. I don't know where she lives exactly because I'm not a stalker. And although Edward has offered many times to find those who I wish to see again before we go away, I have refused because I do not want to cause any more people pain than necessary. He reads this when I'm asleep and I don't mind. He never gets to look inside my head the way he does everyone else and this is a way for him to do that . _

_I don't want him to be angry with me but I do love him more. I've loved him ever since I first saw him that day in lunch. I tried so hard not to talk to him for fear that he would think me obsessed or like a stalker. Ha ha, like I could ever be a stalker. Why do I keep getting off topic? I guess I just have Edward on my mind way too often. _

_Let's try this again. Hi. My name is Bella Swan and I am in love with a vampire. I have decided to marry said vampire in exchange for getting to spend eternity with him. I am keeping this journal in order to remember things when I become one of him. He has told me that I may lose some of my memories and I don't know what I'll forget or what I'll remember. _

_When I got out of school on my first day, my mother told me that she had been sitting there all day, only leaving for the necessities. I told her not to worry, maybe that's where I get it from. I always tend to worry anout everything. Once someone tells me _not_ to worry, I tend to worry twice as much. Maybe I'll take that trait with me when I change. I don't really know. My new family has kept some of their traits and I want to be just like them. The only difference between me and them is that I am choosing to become like them. None of them had a say in the matter._

_When we got home that day, my mother prepared my favourites and even had a big cake to finish it off. My favourite foods as a human would have to be the average teen human food- pizza,tacoes, fries, etc. But I have a very small feeling that my favourite foods will change to just one when ever I, myself, am changed. But that night, she prepared for me my favourite foods of a 5-6 year old- mac'n'cheese, french fries, and chicken nuggets, with ketchup. And I had a big ol' glass of chocolate milk to wash it all down. That night, she told me that I was a big girl now and I needed to act like one. I think that was the day I became the person I am today. A responsible person, always trying to do the right things when the time called for it._

_From then on, I tried not to act like a baby. I was always at the top of my class in Phoenix and my mother was very proud about that. I made straight A's tried to not disappoint her as much as possible. In the end, everything worked out for the better._

_I ended up with Edward for a lab partner in Biology and we were almost on the same level. I say almost because he has college degrees and I just have a measly little diploma but I was in an advanced Biology class back in Phoenix . Why can't I keep my mind off of my gorgeous fiancee?!_

--

So this is just a glimpse into her mind. I wonder what else she will write about. Some of these things I have never heard of and I hope she will fill me in on them later, but for now, I will let her sleep. She will never look as peaceful as this when she becomes one of my kind and I have endlessly tried to explain to her the consequences of her choice.

I do love her, so much so that I am willing to take away her life. I have heard people say that if you really love someone, you would kill them. I guess that I really do love her, as many times as I have tried to convince us both otherwise. I do wish that she wasn't so fragile sometimes, so that I may do all of the things I wish I could do to and with her. She says she loves me the most, but she has no idea.

I have held back so many times, just so that I would not hurt her. I have wanted to do so many things with her that I have to discipline myself when no one is capable of finding out. I looked at her and she started to talk in her sleep again. I was going to miss this about her also when she became like me.

By discipline, I don't mean physical harm but I mean to say that I when I felt I may slip, I only fed on small animals, such as, deer, rabbits- nasty, and the like. Then I feel as if I am endangering her life and have to physically punish myself. Oh well, that will all be behind us in just two short weeks.

I do wish that she would forget this silly idea of becoming like me and go on living her life. I want her to be happy but not if it means hurting her. From what she tells me, I have hurt her more than I ever intended when I left almost a year ago. I hated the idea of doing that to her again so I agreed to stay.

"Edward..." Oh, she's started. I'm going to miss this in a while. I wonder what she'll dream about tonight.

"Yes, my love?" I whispered in her ear. She turned to face me. I saw that she still had her eyes closed but she still managed to seem as if she was talking directly to me. I had discovered that we could have these little conversations in her sleep and she vaguely remembered them.

"I, Isabella Marie Swan, take thee, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, to be my lawfully wedded wife. Oops, husband." she giggled in her sleep and I couldn't help but smile. Maybe tonight we could actually make it to the part where the priest said my favourite line.

She continued with her vows, her voice fading in and out from time to time but I still caught her every word. "In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. For better and for worse, for richer or for poorer until death do us part." She turned her head back around and I placed my hand on her lovely face. She raised a hand of her own to hold mine against her face.

"Edward?" she asked.

"Yes, love?"

"Aren't your going to answer the nice man?" I assumed she meant the priest and it must have been my turn to take my vows.

"Yes, love. Sorry for keeping you waiting. Would you like me to go in now?" She smiled and I took that as a green light.

"I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, take thee, Isabella Marie Cullen, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Oops, wife. I guess you made me mess up too, love," I whispered in her ear. I had messed up on purpose to make her feel a little better. I didn't want her to feel weird about being the one to make a mistake at our 'dream' wedding. I held her hand in mine and kissed each knuckle before kissing rhe top of her hand.

She kind of chuckled to herself and I loved the sound. "Edward? What aren't you listening to this nice man?"

I pulled away from her hand and looked at her face. It was hard to see in the dark but I was positive she had her eyes open. Maybe I was just seeing things...

"Sorry again, love. What did the nice man say this time?"

"He said you may now kiss the bride." With this, I gave in and kissed my fiancee. I had hoped that we would have gotten to this part tonight. We rarely did but when we did, she slept through it. That's why I went a little crazier than when we kissed while she was awake. I think that's why I could tell something was different.

Bella held me tighter than she usually did in her sleep, kissing me with more urgency, making me want to do more with her. I wanted to keep going but she kept me from doing so. "Edward, I thought it was like this."

I pulled away from her and looked at her face. She blinked. I hadn't been imagining things earlier and she had been awake the whole time. I was a little surprised at her, she didn't usually try to manipulate me this way. Maybe I had slipped to one of my siblings about our little conversations and they had told my beautiful Bella.

"Bella, are you awake?"

She stilled and said, "No, you're just not seeing clearly."

"Bella, why did you do this?"

Silence.

"Bella?"

"I wanted to see if what Alice said was true. That if I pretended to be asleep that you would kiss me the way I wanted to kiss you all the time. The way you only did while I was asleep." She souneded ahamed of her behaviour, or just embarrassed.

"Bella, I never want you to be afraid to tell me what you want. Just don't lie to me to get it." I held her head in my hands ever so carefully. I wanted so much to be able to show her how much I wished we could do the things we both longed to do with one another.

I leaned to kiss her once more and held her in arms until she fell alseep. I wanted so much to be able to do the same. I wonder what she will write about next...

--

_**Additional Author's Note: Ok, so how horrible was it? I tried to make it sound as much like Edward as I could. Plz tell me if this was a good idea and if I should write more like this. **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: I'm posting first few journal entries as close together as I can and yes they will be a little short. I don't think that I am capable of witing full journal entries about things that may or may not have happened. They will not be the same length as the chapters in Lunar Break but I hope they will suffice. I do plan to have little remarks about them possibly made by Edward as he reads them as Bella sleeps just to break into the monotony of them having almost no dialogue at all. Again, thank you for reading and enjoy.**_

_**Disclaimer: Until I can convince my shrink otherwise, I have been told that I own nothing and it's better to go along with her so that I don't get sued.**_

**Bella's Journal: Entry Number Two**

_A/A/N: Edward wants Bella to remember their conversations so he writes one down in her journal. Bella reads this entry and it is told from her point of view._

_I am not Bella but I can copy her handwriting very well by now. I do not know if she will remember tonight because she was asleep through most of it. I want her to remember that we did have these little conversations if she won't believe me. I am writing while she is asleep and I have to be careful not to disturb her. I want her to sleep peacefully, I want her to be able to enjoy her dreams while they last._

_Tonight I was reading her entries, as she allows me to do, and she stirred in her sleep. I always want to hear anything she has to say so I put away the journal. I began to talk back and forth with her and she responded as coherently as she could in her slumber. She began to recite the traditional wedding vows, which I don't understand because we have decided to write our own. She came up with that idea and I agreed with it completely. She can be very creative when she wishes to be._

_Anyway, back to tonight. She had begun her usual ranting and then started to recite the vows. I was listening to her, and, even though she would fade out occasionally, I caught every word. She slipped and said she was taking me to be her wife by mistake and I noticed that she blushed even in her sleep. I waited for her to continue after a brief pause and she asked me why I wasn't answering the nice man. I smiled at her even though she was asleep and continued with the traditional vows as well, 'slipping' myself and taking her as my husband to make her feel a little better. As I waited for her to start rambling again, she again asked why I was ignoring the nice man whom I assumed to be the priest. I asked her what she meant and I realized that we had reached my favourite part of this particular dream of her's._

_She told me that he had said to kiss the bride and I did, as I usually do when she is asleep and says the nice man told me to. As always, I went a little futher and held her close to me, something I only did while she slept due to her reaction while she was awake. This time, something was different. She was more persistent than usual and I had thought I had seen her eyes open earlier. I had been correct. She had been pretending to be asleep and had pulled me into a trap. I assume she had really been asleep at some point in the night for it was very early morning. My lovely sister, Alice, had told her that if she pretended to be asleep tonight, she could see what I was like while she was asleep. _

_She had the right to get what she wanted but I asked her not to lie to me to get it. She agreed and soon after went back to sleep. I should have been more careful, not let her see me in the few times she doesn't 'attack' me while we kiss. I only get to do so when she is asleep. She overreacts otherwise. I guess the reason she wanted to see what I was like was because she doesn't always remember these conversations we have and didn't think I was telling the truth. _

_I can't really blame her. I do love her so and I guess she is going to know it when she reads this in the morning or the next time she writes in it. Oh well, the sun is to rise in less than an hour and I must go home to change quickly so that I can be back in time to pick her up to go to the house my 'parents' home. I don't really know whether to call it my house or our home. I need to go and allow her to awake in peace. I have to go hunting today and she will be spending the say with Alice until mine and my brothers' return. _

_Alice and Rosalie went yesterday, Carlisle and Esme went the day before, and my brothers and I are going today. This way, she doesn't have to spend a day with out myself or Alice with her. She hates to be alone. Maybe I shouldn't go... No, if I stay, she'll be angry and say that I'm sacrificing myself to be with her. She'll say that she's being selfish and that she doesn't want me to miss out on the fun. I have to go. Oh, the sun is to 'rise and shine' in only a few minutes. I better go. Bella, I know you'll read this when you awake to find me gone so please read this next part and try to do what I ask. And remember that I do love you. Until next time, Love._

_My beautiful Bella, this is what I want you to do. Stay away from trouble and keep my favourite human safe. I want to marry you in a dress, not with any part of you in a cast. It would be white but I think it might be a little hard to dance with you if you only have one good leg. And then there is always the Honeymoon..._

--

I couldn't believe that he actually wrote something in my journal. I'm glad he did because it reminded me about our vows. I completely forgot that we had agreed to that. I need to get started. I did like that he wrote about our conversation because I had forgotten it already. I was vaguely aware at the time but I wanted to be able to remember them later. I love the special times we have together. We had many times like that and I had gotten Alice to tell me what to do to find out what really went on. Edward had been telling me that we talked whille I slept but he had edited a bit.

I had also forgotten that he had to go hunting today and I only had an hour or so to spend with him before he left once we got to his house. There was a knock at my window and I knew who it was. He's here. I get to go spend the day with Alice now and who knows what she'll force me to- I mean- let me do today. I can only guess. I guess he just wanted to make sure I was up. I still have to get dressed. I let him in and grabbed my clothes for the day.

He sat on my bed and faced the oppostie direction as I pulled on my jeans and one of his t-shirts. He had brought over a few to let me wear on days like this so I wouldn't miss him too much. I loved that he loved me this much but I don't deserve him.

"Bella, love, are you ready yet?" he asked and turned around at my chuckle. I was dressed but was just daydreaming and had gotten lost in his scent that now surrounded me.

"Yes, I'm ready," I said this and he took my hand and we walked towards the window. He threw me onto his back and we took off.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Hey guys! Time for another journal entry about Bella. Plz remember that I don't know if this stuff ever happened and that it's all stuff that I made up. Don't rely on me to tell you stuff about the real Stephenie witten material. Again, if you guys have any ideas about stuff to put on either of my fanfics **__Bella's Journal, 42 Things Bella Swan Is Not Allowed To Do,__** or**__Lunar Break__**, send me a message or an email and let me know.**_

_**Disclaimer: You guys know the drill- unfortunately, nothing belongs to me:**_

**Bella's Journal: Entry Number Three**

_A/A/N: Bella writes about the list her sisters made about her summer 'activities' and comments about it. Edward reads it and makes a decision._

_I have decided to not write about my memories tonight and instead, to write about something that happened today when I went to Edward's. I had walked in and went to see Alice and Rosalie. Rosalie and I have become a lot closer and we have decided to put the past behind us. I walked into Alice's room and they both looked up at me. I wondered what was going on when they started laughing at me. I asked them what was going on and they took off downstairs. On the way down, I ran into Edward and he asked what was going on. As if he didn't already know! I gave him a quick kiss, smacked his arm, and followed them into the kitchen. I heard Edward laughing behind me somewhere and thought he had figured it out._

_When I got in the kitchen, I guess Alice took pity on me and she handed me the paper they had been looking over when I had walked in. I skimmed it over and looked at them both. I couldn't believe that they had made a list. I had been a little naughty over the summer but they had made a list about what I wasn't allowed to do anymore. Alice asked me if it covered everything and I told her that it did. _

_A few minutes later, Emmett came in with yet another cheese wheel that he had bought on ebay and told Rosalie why it was so important. Supposedly, it was the first and only wheel of cheese from Switzerland that was flavored like meat and it had been signed by the inventor of the cheese wheel. He said it was really old. I don't really know what is with Emmett and cheese wheels but when I bought him one and melted it to see if he could cry, I swear he was almost shedding tears.I think he may have been dropped on his head as both a baby and a Vampire. I could believe why that had made the list._

_Alice grabbed the paper from me and had scribbled one down. I had no idea what it said but I needed to see it if they didn't want me to do it, didn't I? I used that arguement against them and Rosalie gave me the paper. I read it and then Edward walked in. He asked what was the matter and I gave him the paper. He read it and looked up occasionally. When he got to the end, he thought he was finished but I had noticed that he had left off my favourite one. He read that one and laughed because it was actually meant for him. It said _'Never use Emmett's obession with cheese wheels against him, but make sure that Edward does.'

_I guess since Edward was always getting teased by his brothers about everything, he got cut a break. I was happy for him. Now he just has to get something on Jasper, maybe he can get Alice to help him with that. Speaking of Alice, I needed to get back at her for buying me sexy lingerie and then telling me not to leave it out for Edward to see what he was missing. He needed a little incentive to get things moving._

_Maybe I should tell Edward about that time I was spending the day with Alice and heard Jasper singing _'Bet On It'_ in the shower. He actually didn't sound that bad but he hadn't been too happy when he heard me laughing outside the door. He hadn't heard me coming but I think he had been a little distracted at the time. Oh well, I think I should go to bed now. Edward'll be here in a few minutes and he'll tell me to go to bed. Luckily, he lets me sleep in his shirts sometimes and maybe he'll let me tonight. We have less than a month until our wedding and I can't wait until I don't have to spend so much time sleeping. Who ever said that sleep was a necessity?_

_--_

I chuckled to myself as I read the newest enty by my Bella. Oh, the simple complexity of my beautiful Bella. I looked at her and I loved the way she smiled in her sleep. She turned and faced towards me, wrapping her arms around me absentmindedly. I returned the action and she sighed in her sleep. I love this woman so much. I liked that she sometimes forgot that I read these entries and wrote things she wouldn't normally write. Now I had something to throw back at Jasper.

The way she did that helped me find out things that I wouldn't normally know. Through her journal, I had found out numerous things about my family and things that happened while I was away. I had some things to use against my loved ones now and I planned to use them. I loved that Bella could get stuff out of them I never would have managed.

The fact that Esme had painted Carlisle's toenails while he was on an important call and he couldn't get it off for weeks gave me plenty of ammo for almost any situatuion. Not to mention that they were pink and he liked the comparision of color against his skin. I had laughed uncontrollably when I had read this little morsel and had to go outside to calm myself down. Luckily, Bella had let me read this while we were alone and Charlie wasn't home.

I had to be careful not to be caught here when Charlie was away and he didn't burst in and take it out on my Bella. I loved the fact that Emmett almost cried when he watched the Rocky movies. I could use that against him whenever he wouldn't stop taunting me about being sexually repressed. Just mentioning it shut him up really quickly. Bella started talking in her sleep again and I had to listen. I wanted to hear everything she said because this was going to be gone very soon.

We talked for a bit before she stopped and fell back into a deep sleep. I returned to remembering ways to embarrass my family. I still didn't have anything on Esme but I didn't think I would need it. The fact that Rosalie only went 'shopping' so that she could get fresh highlights made me love that my Bella could get anything out of my sisters if she would give in to them treating her like a 'life sized Barbie'. I, personally, loved the days that they took her under their wing and mad eher look even more gorgeous for me.

I didn't think that she needed it, but I did love the end result. My Bella was beautiful 24/7 and I just wished she would see that in herself. Maybe after we're married, she could begin to get a glimpse of herself the way that I saw her.

_--_

**Additional Author's Note: To see the complete list of what Bella is no longer allowed to do, read **'42 Things Bella Swan Is Not Allowed to Do'** and see if you agree. I loved making the list and I have been told that I should do another one. Plz tell me if I should and leave any suggestions. I am trusting you guys with my email and please don't hassle me! **

_Song: Bet On It By Zac Efron from High School Musical 2_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: Hola my peeps. How's it hanging? Time for another glimpse at Bella's memories. No further explaniation needed.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing :( **_

_Bella's Journal: Entry Number Four _

_A/A/N: Bella reflects back on the day Edward started speaking to her after his trip to Alaska. He finally learns about what made Bella pull away and when she started to fall in love with him._

_I still remember the day that Edward started to treat me like a 'normal' person. He had gone away to Alaska, but I didn't know that at the time. I had thought, at the time, that I was the cause of him leaving Forks, that I had done something wrong to him, offended him somehow. I was right but not in the way I thought. I had moved here, making his life a living hell. He was content here and I had interrupted his usual routine. I was both glad and disappointed that he wasn't at school. I was glad because I didn't have to see him and ignore him all through Biology. I was disappointed that I didn't get to see him and stare at him all through Biology and Lunch. I must admit that it was a little pathetic. _

_I had gotten used to seeing only four people at the table but when it snowed for the first time, I saw him in the cafeteria at the same table as his brothers and sisters. They had all been laughing, enjoying the weather I presume. I was staring at him, examining him, and comparing the new Edward to what I saw in front of me and Jessica had asked what I was looking at. He looked up right then and I immediately looked away. Jessica told me that he was staring and I just wanted to know if he looked angry or not. I was surprised that he didn't and I was relieved a bit._

_After lunch, I made my way to Biology and found that my table was still empty. I was very thankful for that and took my place. 'I heard very clearly when the chair next to me moved, but my eyes stayed carefully focused on the pattern I was drawing. "Hello," said a musical voice. I looked up, stunned that he was speaking to me.' (Twilight, Chptr 2, pg 43). I couldn't believe that he was talking to me after that first day. I had done my best to ignore him and failed miserably. _

_Mr. Banner had passed out microscopes and we were to do a lab on the phases of mitosis using onion root tip cells. He had said, 'Ladies first, partner?' (Twilight, Chptr 2, pg 44) and I had looked up to see what is now my favourite crooked smile. Of course, I had stared at him like an idiot. 'Or I could start, if you wish." The smile faded; he was obviously wondering if I was mentally competent' (Twilight, Chptr 2, pg 44) I had already done the lab in Phoenix, only with different cells and I knew what I was looking for. When I had declared that it was Prophase, he asked if I minded if he took a look. I think he was just testing to see if I wasn't still in shock of his blindingly gorgeous smile. _

_'His hand caught mine, to stop me, as he asked. His fingers were like ice, like he'd been holding them in a snowdrift before class. But that wasn't the reason I jerked my hand away so quickly. When he had touched me, it stung my hand as if an electric current had passed through us.' (Twilight, Chptr 2, pg 45). He apologized, of course, but I was never the same. I think that's when it started to happen, the falling in love part. It kinda hit me hard when I realized it that day in Port Angeles. But that's another story for another day. I just wanted to make sure that I don't forget that day, ever. _

_I also plan to write about the day he saved my life for the first of many times and about everything else he has ever done for me. I love him so much and I don't think that I'll ever forget that but it's still nice to have it in writing. He has been there for me through a lot of the bad times and the only reason that here have been good ones. I know that he'll love me always and will not regret the choice to change me. As long as he loves me, I can take any amount of pain. _

_--_

I laughed at my Bella's silly assessment of me from the first time we met. She had done something, unintentionally but still, she had done it. She had given me a heart. She had given me a reason to exist. She had made this life of mine worth living and I was very thankful for that. I looked at her as she ate her lunch. This was one of the times she let me read her entries while she was awake. We just had to make sure that I got out before Charlie got home. "Are you enjoying your pasta, love? It doesn't looke very appetizing to me."

She laughed that laugh that I loved so much and said, "Nothing I eat ever looks appetizing to you, Edward. And, yes, I am enjoying it quite a bit." She returned to eating her alfredo and I reached over and pulled her into a kiss. I loved catching her off guard like that because she didn't have much time to respond and try to push my limits. I pulled away almost as quickly as I had kissed her, letting her sit there in shock. I chuckled and put on that smile she loved so much.

It was then that I heard the cruiser pull up in the drive-way. I had been so preoccupied with my beautiful Bella that I hadn't been paying very close attention. She must haave heard it too because she sat up and stopped eating for a minute. I stood up and she did the same. I pulled her into a hug and she kissed my cheek before I left. I was out the back door a second before Charlie opened the front door. As I sped back to my house, I sighed.

"That was a close one," Alice said as I walked into the living room.

I took a seat beside Jasper before answering her. "Tell me about it."


End file.
